We went to the Womack Army Hospital on Sunday night. I was bleeding some and wanted to be safe. They took my blood, poked me some, and got a pelvic exam. After hours of waiting, the doctor told me my pregnancy hormone levels were extremely low so it was a miscarriage.
I was devastated. I couldn't even stand up to put my clothes on to leave the hospital. I pushed the first miscarriage away in January and tried to erase it from my mind, but that made this one 100x worse. I have never felt such pain and grief. And it hit Ram hard too. I'm not sure where to turn or what to do. It's so frustrating seeing people have babies everyday, and not even want them. Or seeing people abort babies. Perfectly healthy babies are being aborted!!! What the fuck is wrong with this world??? I believe God gives you a child for a reason, even when your young, unprepared, or what the circumstance may be. It shouldn't be anyone's right to take away a perfectly good life.
Last night we carried Arabella to see Hotel Transylvania. Ram wanted me to go and try to take my mind off of the baby. It didn't help much and I'm not gonna blog about what happened. My family thinks I need help mentally, but they have NO idea what I'm going through. No one in my family has ever miscarried. I'm happy for my sister. She is expecting her 3 child but I wish I had the same, healthy pregnancy. Why can't I have another baby???? I took every precaution I could this pregnancy. I just don't understand.
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