It's been five days since the Methotrexate shots. I will not be given results on it until tomorrow. I had more blood work done yesterday and my pregnancy hormone was still showing up more than they expected. She said it could take up to 7 days to work so tomorrow I have to do more blood work. I was bitter yesterday since my levels didn't drop much. I don't understand why this is such a long, drawn out process?? It almost feels like I'm being punished. Am I still pregnant? Did the medicine work? Am I gonna have to have the D & C procedure?? I don't feel sorry for myself at all. I just wish this was over. I really want to get my tubes tied so I'm not disappointed anymore. Ram has asked me to wait for awhile before I make the decision so I will honor his request. Of course he wants to try again but I don't think I can mentally handle losing another baby. I've had enough heart ache and at this point, I am bitter. I thought this would be over with last week but apparently not. The thought of still having a baby inside my tubes is overwhelming, and I just want answers. I am trying to play with Bella and notice her but I feel weak, and depressed. Hopefully after the doctor tomorrow, we can move forward. I haven't been talking to my family any because I don't know what to say. I really wish my dad could give me a big hug but he can't take off work so I've got to suck it up and move forward.
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